A note I wrote to myself before AVP Chicago

I was just scrolling through my notes app looking for something when I unexpectedly came across a little message I wrote to myself before AVP Chicago. Without any context at all, here it is:

“I’ve used notes to rant but how about I use this one for good. 

How about I use this one to believe in myself. To tell me all the positive things that can happen when I change my mindset. 

All it takes is one tournament. All it takes is one play to make a difference in the outcome. 

I believe in Devanne. She has the power to be the best blocker and sideout player. And she will do it this weekend. 

I am also a good volleyball player. I have every skill I need to be successful. I have the experience and skill to help her when she needs it and she has the mental focus to help me when I need it. 

We will be the best support system for each other and we know how to play together. We believe in each other and most importantly we’ve grown to love and respect each other. 

She has all the skills we need to win and so do I. We can win. We will make it to the league not because we deserve it but because we are great volleyball players. We will fucking earn it this weekend. 

What if I am that one hit away from hitting the gold.** My mind will prove me right. We are good enough as we are. We will persevere through any major let down. And we will dominate through the highs. We always rise again because we have each other’s back. 

It’s not just about believing. It’s about knowing. And I know we can do this. We can do all of it together.”

Well, we unfortunately didn’t make the league 😭, but I gotta say… we played some damn good volleyball and earned our best finish in a gold series event. 

I’m chuckling a little bit reading it back, but after writing this that day, I truly felt something switch in my brain. I did believe we could win when previously, I was shaky. I honestly didn’t realize how little I thought of myself. I kept building every other player up in my head, saying how good they are and how they can beat me. And they can, but why don’t I believe in myself? Why don’t I know how good I can be? 

It’s a work in progress and I know it always will be (because it’s hard not to base yourself off of results), but I’m hopeful this new change could be a good thing for me.

To anyone reading (even if you’re my competition), I hope you believe in yourself too. Let’s give it all we got :)

**See below

My friend, Matt, sent me this and I think about it a lot. Hope you like it too.