Feeling stuck (brain blurb no.1)

I feel stuck. 

Like I’m moving in different directions and yet, not actually going anywhere. 

I have things I want to do. But instead of doing them

I just watch other people do them. 

I kind of think that I lack originality. 

I always needed inspiration to create something.

Is that what everybody does?

Does no one think of original ideas?

Are all ideas just inspiration from something already done?

I’m not sure. 

How do you become un-stuck?

How do you start doing the things that you want to do?

Maybe it starts with getting off social media you dumbass lol.

That’s probably the first step to a lot of things. 

Now that I’ve found out I have some ounce of creativity in me

I want to do creative things.

But something is sort of holding me back. 

Maybe it’s my compulsive need to always be 1000000% prepared before I do something new

Maybe I feel alone and wish someone could do it with me

Or maybe it’s a k-drama that I am very much addicted to and can’t get anything done until I’ve finished the whole series.

Whatever it is. 

I can’t break through it…

Yet. 

I feel like I’m on the precipice.

Like i’m about to breakthrough some unknown force.

I do.

And yet…

I feel lost like I don’t know where I’m heading.

I know that life isn’t supposed to be figured out.

You can’t always have a plan

And most of us have no idea what we’re doing anyway.

But maybe I’d like a direction…

A more specific direction.

I like taking photos, I like making videos, I like writing, I like making an impact on people…

How do I do it?

In what way?

I think there are so many different avenues I can take and that is also overwhelming.

Maybe it’s the fact that I want to move in so many directions that I can’t focus on just one thing at a time.

It’s exciting. And fun.

I’m lucky…

That I feel like I have more directions to go in.

It’s cool that in my late 20s, I’m learning more and more about myself than ever before.

I think I’m more in tune with myself than I ever have been.

It’s a good thing and a bad thing.

It probably means i’m thinking too much…

But it also means that I’m getting closer to my true self everyday.

I can see when I’m putting on a show for public perception.

I can see myself holding back true feelings .

I can see through lies that I’ve told myself. 

It is just crazy how much more you learn about yourself with each year.

And even with all that learning.

I’m still stuck.

I don’t have the answers…

Though they might be somewhere within me. 

However… I won’t rush it.

Maybe being stuck is a luxury. 

Maybe it’s more time to figure out what the hell we are doing here. 

Maybe it’s better than knowing. 

I can take all the wrong turns without any consequences because I don't know where I'm going anyway. 

I might be here a while. 

And I think I'm fine with that.