A note to any struggling female athlete
Eyes wide.
Mouth agape.
A glimmer of shock and awe passed through the face.
She was impressed. Very impressed. She looked at me with such respect.
I had never received such a response.
You might be wondering what was said to invoke this type of reaction and I’ll tell you right now.
I was at my fiancé’s best friend’s wedding and I was just hanging out on the dance floor. The groom’s sister recognized me as my fiancé’s fiancée (lol) and she said, “you play volleyball, right?”
I said, “yup, that’s me!” My usual identifier. She then looks at her (what I guestimate is her) 9 year old daughter and goes…
“She’s a professional volleyball player.”
And you know the rest…
Normally, I’m met with a “oh… nice” or “thatʻs great youʻre still doing that” (which is somewhat of a compliment but also somehow…not?). I’d almost forgotten that what I was doing was something noteworthy. Something impressive. It was quite possibly the best reaction I’ve ever received.
And this small gesture from a cute little girl on a dance floor made a huge impact on me.
As much as I try, it’s hard to feel like a real professional (becauseeee I’ve been trying since 2018 - check the pinned insta post for proof). And it’s not just me.
You’d be hard pressed to find someone who could call themselves a professional athlete confidently in the beach world.
I wish it weren’t so.
And tbh, it has only gotten harder.
Even as someone who has won an AVP, I feel like it barely meant anything.
I am truly grateful to any videographer/photographer who has decided I am worth some space on their memory card because for a while, I barely had any media of me actually playing. No evidence of me being a professional volleyball player. And I know it shouldnʻt have, but it only added onto my feelings of not being good enough. Of not feeling respectable.
Moving on from my first world sob story… I am so grateful for that little girl.
She has no idea what her raw, genuine reaction means to me.
No matter what I think, there are still young girls who would be so starstruck to meet a professional volleyball athlete. Which means, I need to change my outlook.
I have to keep believing in myself and pushing past my insecurities to help other girls feel like what we get to do is f*cking sick.
This sport is so cool and we get to do it at the highest level. Why is there still shame?
We are literally physical specimens!
Endurance, explosiveness, mental toughness – all packed into one sport.
We play through rain, intense heat, wind, the cold… honestly, what kind of crazy people are we?
But we love it. We continue to perfect our craft, even when no one’s watching.
We do it for the blissful highs even if it means enduring the life-shattering lows.
We do it for the camaraderie.
We do it for the memories we won’t forget for the rest of our lives.
We all have our reasons…
But no matter what, we should feel proud. For we will never be a “cold, timid soul who neither knows victory nor defeat.”
We are the (Wo)men in the Arena*. Striving valiantly, open to critics (as if listening to ourselves wasn’t enough).
And some girl out there is looking up to you. Rooting for you.
So acknowledge her. Cherish her. Pave the way for her. We’ve come a long way and we can go even further.
Our goal is near. Keep believing in yourself, be proud of what you’ve accomplished and keep kicking all of the ass.
A note of caution:
I feel with this post it must be said. No matter what, you are more than your sport. Because we spend so much time on our sport and because we care so much, it’s easy for our identity to feel overshadowed by our performance. Sometimes, you don’t even realize it’s happening.
Remember, our sport is our passion, we can work hard at it, but we are so much more than it.
We are great friends, daughters, musicians, mathematicians, artists, writers, and so much more. Don’t forget to nurture yourself off the court/field/pool/course/track/etc.
We need all of you. The whole package. You have no idea how important you are.
*”The Man in the Arena” is a quote by Theodore Roosevelt. It is an amazing quote. One I think about all the time and one I love so much that I wrote a whole post about it. Give it a read.
*Edit (11/7/23):
If you made it this far… wow, thank you :) I actually wrote this two weeks ago and never really publicized the article. Since then, I just came back from a qualifier in China where I lost a close one in the qualifier. Spent over $1,000+ to play one game and lose (in what some would say is an easier challenger event). *cue agony, pain and sorrow. My emotions and mindset so easily fluctuate based on my performance. Thatʻs natural for a lot of us. I thought about this article again wanting to at least post it on my instagram story but edited it one more time.
All of a sudden, I was my own audience. I am writing to you hoping that you feel proud of yourself when I am struggling to do so myself. Re-reading this was a good reminder that no matter the outcome, our strength is that we keep pushing on. Through all the discomfort and gut-wrenching pain. And that right there, is something to be proud of.
