How to stop being a bitter lil b*tch :)
I’m trying to be happier for other people.
It sounds cynical (haha), but when you’re in the pursuit of a big dream, it’s hard to see other people’s success.
Take beach volleyball for example (doesn’t everything relate to beach volley w/ me?), after a loss, going on social media is mental suicide.
The winners and other volleyball media accounts are always posting the highlights. The winning point, the joy on their faces… ‘well, GOOD FOR YOU!!’ (*cue olivia rodrigo) I yell sarcastically in my sad, little, never-ending thoughts brain.
And even as an aspiring creator, watching other people’s tiktoks and instagrams blow up sometimes makes me want to give up altogether.
Jealousy, envy, shame… all come into play.
It’s the result I wanted. Why couldn’t it be meee?
I often think of how people say that “women always tear each other down” and I’m afraid I’ve been guilty of that... in my head… on multiple occasions. Practically wishing for their downfall, hoping they don’t do well so that I don’t feel too far behind. A defense mechanism.
If we both fail, then she isn’t better than me. I can feel justified.
But bleh! gross! That’s not how I want to be. As I’m writing it all down, I can see so clearly how that’s such a sad and bitter existence. As I’ve gotten a little older, I’ve subtly started to realize how mentally draining and self-harming that behavior is.
I am choosing to respond this way. And if it is my choice, I can choose another way…. Be happy for them, respect their efforts and triumphs.
Find a way to reframe the situation from their point of view. They worked for their success and regardless of how they got there, they did. And I’m sure they’re really happy, too.
My sports psychologist, Scotta Morton (@goforitmpc on Instagram), taught me that thoughts will come whether we want them or not. Though we have no control over them, we do not have to accept our thoughts as truths. They’re just thots (… couldn’t resist). You acknowledge them and then either store it or discard it. Your thoughts are not who you are.
With this in mind as I scroll through social media, it’s not necessarily that I’m just happy for everyone without a care in the world. It’s that when I feel like a post has triggered a jealous reaction, I hear the thought, I tell myself, “no, this is not a behavior we’re proud of” and I choose a positive response.
‘Wow, you know what, she is a great person, she has been working hard and putting herself out there. I’m glad her hard work is paying off. Her success has nothing to do with mine. There’s room for us all.’
This is something I said to myself recently.
You might think this is a fake it till you make it situation or that my words may not hold 100% genuineness.
And you might be right. But I know part of me believes it. I’m just at the beginning of changing and we all gotta start somewhere. Today, this is where I’m at.
Bitterness and envy don’t move you forward, don’t make you a better person. And all that negativity is so contagious. It spreads like wildfire.
Fight yourself to see the good or at least be able to let go of the negative feelings. Even if you think the person sucks and doesn’t deserve it. It doesn’t matter. That’s not how life works.
Deep down, we are all just humans. We all have insecurities, we all have a story that people don’t know about and for that, we should give other people and ourselves some grace.
If you don’t agree, that’s fine. We’re all entitled to our own opinions.
For me though, this is what I’m working towards. Working on being the person I am most proud of, one day at a time.
